Gnawing on some beef jerky, within grabbing distance of my bear spray, I wondered if choosing Campsite 13 would prove to be unlucky.
Forest Ranger Jen, with all her tree-hugging enthusiasm, assured me that I was actually very lucky to have even nabbed a campsite, and that 13 was particularly lovely given its proximity to the creek. She also told me to be “bear safe.”
I hoped that just meant spray.
This camping trip to North Cascades National Park would be a solo one. I couldn’t convince any of the other interns to join me, even after commandeering a car and gear, so, I set out on my own.
After all, it was summer in Washington State, and I was determined to soak in all the Pacific Northwest glory I could get my Floridian hands on.
I had moved to Seattle for a dream internship at the Bill and Holly Melinda Gates Foundation.
After kicking a few doors down to get there, I had finally reached the mecca of all work places.
State-of-the-art facilities, free snacks and catered lunches (the “Foundation 15” is a delightful souvenir I got to take home), flexible work hours (“We trust you’ll do good work, Holly, so do it on your own terms”) and anything else you could possibly need to facilitate an optimal work-life balance.
Oh yeah, and then there was Lumber James, the gorgeous giant on the strategy team whom I stalked every day during lunch in the atrium (and whom I had to ultimately avoid after he ghosted me on Bumble. I guess he didn’t want to get caught fraternizing with an intern. Or, maybe it was my strong opener about stalking him in the atrium. Nevermind.).
Speaking of Bumble…
After a string of good fortune back in Miami, I was ready to hit the Seattle dating scene hard.
I envisioned a suitor who would enjoy all the splendors of a Seattle summer with me. And, bonus! I would only be there for 3 months. No strings attached. Every dude’s dream.
So, I started swiping right.
The flannel! The height! The educational backgrounds! These Washington boys had me in burley lumberjack/nerdy tech guy heaven!
And, that’s how I met Matt.
As we sipped our beers on my spectacular roof deck (thank you, Bill and Melinda), I learned that Matt, a boyishly handsome Seattleite, had been the lead singer of a band for many years and was making the excruciating transition into the corporate world as an Amazon intern.
A smart, sensitive, local boy who made me laugh and was nice to look at? Jackpot.
But, as our hangouts became harder to orchestrate, and our time together seemed vaguely disconnected, it was clear there were differences in time and emotional availability.
In true Holly fashion, I said YES! I showed up. I was keen and made concessions. (It also didn’t help that I was becoming a fangirl of Matt’s band, and, therefore, let a lot of things slide). Matt, on the other hand, was navigating a major identity crisis and didn’t have much bandwidth for a summer fling.
Although there were some bright spots (Live music! Log cabins! Laughs over libations!) my hope for an available affair did not exactly come to fruition.
At least, not until the end of my Seattle stint…
Meanwhile, back at the Foundation headquarters, I was navigating a whole new world of, well, everything.
After 7 years in my sheltered classroom, I was shell-shocked.
Those first few weeks were perplexing. Listening to my fellow interns drop their MBA jargon bombs – Upstream? Deep dives? Low-hanging fruit? – I struggled to keep up with the conversation. And, not to mention learning the Foundation lexicon and all the acronyms that come with it…PBD, SPO, BMGF (took me an embarrassing amount of time to get that one).
As a result, I kept my mouth shut. I absorbed. I processed. I did a lot of positive self-talk to shake the daily feeling of being a complete and utter imposter.
Like, seriously. What was I doing here?
I was surrounded by some of the world’s smartest people, commissioned to strategize on how to solve some of the world’s biggest problems.
…The biggest problem I’ve solved in recent history has been resetting the code on a lockbox. And, obviously, YouTube did most of the heavy lifting.
The ivy-league titles of the interns didn’t help either. Masters in global health at Harvard. PhD in biochemical engineering at Princeton. MBAs at Yale, Booth and Wharton. Aaaah!
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my university. And, in Miami, I’m basically Einstein. But, this was next level stuff. Although I managed to get a seat at the same privileged table, I still felt like I had something to prove.
Luckily, my exceptional intern friends not only inspired me to think harder and be better, but they reminded me just how worthy I was to be there.
It turns out, being an educator for a decade has its place in high-level strategy meetings where high-stakes investments are being made to help serve the communities you’ve been working in your whole career. Aha! My value-add.
Speaking of feeling valuable…..
Enter New Rob.
I met New Rob (named such because Old Rob was my work husband whom I’d met New Rob through) a month before I left Seattle. He was an engineer between jobs, and had taken the summer off to explore the glories of Seattle and beyond. He hiked almost every day. He went out at night. He said YES! He was available. He included me in everything.
In one breath, New Rob said things to me that I’ve hardly heard in my decade of dating.
So, just as I was feeling defeated by my recent dating deficits, New Rob showed up and made me feel like a million bucks.
I looped in one last solo camping trip before I left Seattle.
Armed with my gear, I walked the .7 miles through enchanting Douglas-fir trees to get to the sacred Second Beach on the Olympic Peninsula.
For the next 24 hours, however, I was consumed by deep, melancholy thought. I blame it on the intense beauty of the rugged coast I was experiencing by myself.
(Just FYI…when I post wistful photos on Instagram, accompanied by folk songs that have the words “seaside” or “coastline” in the lyrics…know that I’m in emotional turmoil).
When I finally managed to break my contemplative spell, I brushed the sand off my feet and expressed my gratitude with a reflective prayer:
“Dear Universe, thank you for the following blessings…”
-Having the privilege and able body to experience the world’s most spectacular beauty
-Meeting inspiring people that make me better and show me my worth
-The view of Seattle from my roof deck
-Guys named Rob
-The Pacific Northwest
-My mom’s cross-country visit and our subsequent mother-daughter adventures
-Free lunch at the Foundation
-Not being eaten by a bear at Campsite 13
So, yeah. That’s it. My summer in Seattle.
A privileged job, amazing new friends, nature for days, and a few more life lessons learned.
And, as I ease my way back into Miami life, I am still dreaming of mountainous national parks, tall boys in plaid shirts, and coastlines that make you cry.
Seattle, you gorgeous Space Needle lady, I’ll see you again soon.
Thinking Over 30 